(originally published on Facebook, February 10, 2014, on his first "angelversary")
There are moments in life that define you. In the past year, I've had a few of them. Maybe more than a few. Moments engraved in my mind that a Mother can't forget. I've also seen true compassion and mercy from people near and dear and from some I hardly know. Or didn't know at all. I'm learning to keep moving in the face of overwhelming sadness, purely by the grace of God. I've felt the physical power of prayer like never before. I am also learning and relearning to rest in the arms of God and trust him when I have no more that I can do, no words for my scattered and broken thoughts, when my circumstances are beyond my control, beyond anything I could have imagined. God is teaching me, one moment at a time, to survive on His unfailing love. All the while holding my precious Austin in his arms. My Austin has seen the face of Jesus.
There are moments in life that define you. In the past year, I've had a few of them. Maybe more than a few. Moments engraved in my mind that a Mother can't forget. I've also seen true compassion and mercy from people near and dear and from some I hardly know. Or didn't know at all. I'm learning to keep moving in the face of overwhelming sadness, purely by the grace of God. I've felt the physical power of prayer like never before. I am also learning and relearning to rest in the arms of God and trust him when I have no more that I can do, no words for my scattered and broken thoughts, when my circumstances are beyond my control, beyond anything I could have imagined. God is teaching me, one moment at a time, to survive on His unfailing love. All the while holding my precious Austin in his arms. My Austin has seen the face of Jesus.
I have kept a running list of other truths I am learning along the way, listed here in no particular order:
1. It's OK to just be OK. "Good" will come in time. Maybe, even "great."
2. What I need to know will be revealed to me in time.
3. God is good. All the time.
4. Amazing Grace is more than a song. It's a gift.
5. The Rosary on CD and the Divine Mercy Chaplet are wonderful travel companions.
6. There is no easy way to bury your own child. Expected, unexpected, violent, painless--I just don't think it matters.
7. Satan is real. Don't let your guard down.
8. Jesus is real. Don't put your guard up.
9. There is no magic formula to escape suffering.
10. Most people just can't do the painful work of suffering with you. But they will feed you, pray with/for you, send a thoughtful card or note, and drag you along until you can participate in life again. Thank God for those people.
2. What I need to know will be revealed to me in time.
3. God is good. All the time.
4. Amazing Grace is more than a song. It's a gift.
5. The Rosary on CD and the Divine Mercy Chaplet are wonderful travel companions.
6. There is no easy way to bury your own child. Expected, unexpected, violent, painless--I just don't think it matters.
7. Satan is real. Don't let your guard down.
8. Jesus is real. Don't put your guard up.
9. There is no magic formula to escape suffering.
10. Most people just can't do the painful work of suffering with you. But they will feed you, pray with/for you, send a thoughtful card or note, and drag you along until you can participate in life again. Thank God for those people.
Thank God for all of you.
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